dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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