let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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