we're blogging at a bar
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
