1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She said her name was "party"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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