I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
