mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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