I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
