I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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