Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
