I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We talked him into tasing himself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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