My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
