that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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