meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
love makes seman taste better
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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