your thong is hanging out like whoa
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning