omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.