So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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