it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
