Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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