I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
