i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
