im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
