Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Houston, we have a squirter
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
