I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
