Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
