sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
