i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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