if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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