why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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