this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
