i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
