I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
