ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
