this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
