Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
