We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
