All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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