Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
