I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
