Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
