I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
