Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
