I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
