I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
