In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
