I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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