Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
