Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
