I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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