She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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