Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
