Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
