out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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