these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
