um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
