like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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