I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
