i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What a dumb baby whore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
