Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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