My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize