and you said cock pushups were impossible
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
