Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What drink are we having for lunch?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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