Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
