I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
