I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
