I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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