I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
