I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
