I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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