Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize