Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
