i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
