Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
