Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Randomize
